For those who have been to my office in Wahroonga they may recognise my slight obsession with Buffy and this is one of my favourite episodes. It also is a tentative link to my previous post.
This post is about what to do with the feelings that come along in the journey of recovery. To return to the picture that I have put up before..
In this post we are going to focus on this part of the picture. It is a small but crucial part of the picture.
At any giving time we are "stuck with" the thoughts our mind gives us. When our mind gives us thoughts that bad things will happen ("I can't cope"; "If I eat that I'll get fat") then this is going to come with feelings. You don't really get to choose the feelings that arise. If you mind predicts that bad things will happen then you will experience fear and anxiety; if it tells you how bad the world is or things you have lost, you will experience sadness; if it tells you how bad you are you will experience shame. Often the more stuck on your thoughts the stronger the feelings are, but even when you are taking a helicopter stance to your thinking the feelings may be really strong.
If you have an eating disorder you may not be very good at having emotions, they are hard to recognise and name which can make them seem even more overwhelming.
If you are human (and I am going to make that assumption about you) then you probably don't like having really strong uncomfortable emotions. You might have lots of ways to "get rid of" these emotions - this might be one of the reasons that the eating disorder keeps going. It may be a way of trying to avoid these feelings. This comes at a cost - which is usually a "smaller life".
I think a really important part of recovery is accepting that these thoughts and feelings are coming along with you for the journey of having a more meaningful life.
I have never met a patient who wanted to feel terror and panic, sadness and shame. I have however had the privilege to work with countless people who have been "willing" to have these emotions on the journey.
Willingness is about accepting that these difficult emotions are coming along for the ride. It is not about wanting to have them, but deciding to not try to get rid of them by engaging back in old behaviours.
These feelings need to be acknowledged, named (which can be hard at first- but a hint might be don't call them fat), and a space found for them. I often say to patients that it is not about "sitting with" your feelings as this always conjours up images of being in a straight jacket and rocking under a table while you sit with these feelings being dominated by them. Just know they are there and make a conscious and deliberate choice to move in a direction that moves you in the direction of a bigger life no matter what the intensity of the emotion or what your head is telling you to do.
We can talk about some ideas I have about ways to do this in a later post.
Take care of yourselves.
If you have an eating disorder you may not be very good at having emotions, they are hard to recognise and name which can make them seem even more overwhelming.
If you are human (and I am going to make that assumption about you) then you probably don't like having really strong uncomfortable emotions. You might have lots of ways to "get rid of" these emotions - this might be one of the reasons that the eating disorder keeps going. It may be a way of trying to avoid these feelings. This comes at a cost - which is usually a "smaller life".
I think a really important part of recovery is accepting that these thoughts and feelings are coming along with you for the journey of having a more meaningful life.
I have never met a patient who wanted to feel terror and panic, sadness and shame. I have however had the privilege to work with countless people who have been "willing" to have these emotions on the journey.
Willingness is about accepting that these difficult emotions are coming along for the ride. It is not about wanting to have them, but deciding to not try to get rid of them by engaging back in old behaviours.
These feelings need to be acknowledged, named (which can be hard at first- but a hint might be don't call them fat), and a space found for them. I often say to patients that it is not about "sitting with" your feelings as this always conjours up images of being in a straight jacket and rocking under a table while you sit with these feelings being dominated by them. Just know they are there and make a conscious and deliberate choice to move in a direction that moves you in the direction of a bigger life no matter what the intensity of the emotion or what your head is telling you to do.
We can talk about some ideas I have about ways to do this in a later post.
Take care of yourselves.
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