If you have an eating disorder you may not be very good at having emotions, they are hard to recognise and name which can make them seem even more overwhelming.
If you are human (and I am going to make that assumption about you) then you probably don't like having really strong uncomfortable emotions. You might have lots of ways to "get rid of" these emotions - this might be one of the reasons that the eating disorder keeps going. It may be a way of trying to avoid these feelings. This comes at a cost - which is usually a "smaller life".
I think a really important part of recovery is accepting that these thoughts and feelings are coming along with you for the journey of having a more meaningful life.
I have never met a patient who wanted to feel terror and panic, sadness and shame. I have however had the privilege to work with countless people who have been "willing" to have these emotions on the journey.
Willingness is about accepting that these difficult emotions are coming along for the ride. It is not about wanting to have them, but deciding to not try to get rid of them by engaging back in old behaviours.
These feelings need to be acknowledged, named (which can be hard at first- but a hint might be don't call them fat), and a space found for them. I often say to patients that it is not about "sitting with" your feelings as this always conjours up images of being in a straight jacket and rocking under a table while you sit with these feelings being dominated by them. Just know they are there and make a conscious and deliberate choice to move in a direction that moves you in the direction of a bigger life no matter what the intensity of the emotion or what your head is telling you to do.
We can talk about some ideas I have about ways to do this in a later post.
Take care of yourselves.